The topic everyone avoids..

Weight Loss.

When you get to the point where you dont want to look in the mirror in the morning/afternoon/hell, anytime of the day;  it means something has got to change. So, why not today?

I just took some very painful before pictures. Super painful. Pictures like from that song " Before she was Momma", but not at all as fun as that woman seemed to be having. I want my kids to look at my "before" pictures and think, wow, Momma did Good!

The first step. Me and Jillian are going to be BFF's again. And this time, I will make it to the second step. I will make it 30 days. I CAN do this!

My first goal is 15lbs by Florida. That gives  me roughly 45 days. I will succeed!

My goal is 258 lbs by June 22nd! Now, time to go hang with Jillian. I think she misses me!

Just another sad day..

Its just another sad day here. Not quite sure why this time, but it is. Actually, I guess there could be a number of reasons why. Well, I there are. Just so many emotions going around. I hate not being able to control them, even with the help of my trusty little blue pill. Although, I know it helps a ton.

Its almost been a year. 1 whole year since my life was uprooted once again. 1 whole year since my heart was taken out of my chest and stomped on. A whole year. I had so many plans for this year. So many hopes and dreams and here it is a year later. Nothing.  I have a house full of kids. But not the kind I have longed for. Not the ones I have been hoping and wishing for, ones thats need me. Not the ones that I have wanted for 4 and a half long years.

I have been doing good. Ive been strong. Or, I thought I had anyway. I just feel myself crumbling again. Starting to relive all the emotions from those long two weeks. Remembering the last time I felt somewhat alive and just not going through the emotions. Maybe, I will feel that way again. Maybe.