The topic everyone avoids..

Weight Loss.

When you get to the point where you dont want to look in the mirror in the morning/afternoon/hell, anytime of the day;  it means something has got to change. So, why not today?

I just took some very painful before pictures. Super painful. Pictures like from that song " Before she was Momma", but not at all as fun as that woman seemed to be having. I want my kids to look at my "before" pictures and think, wow, Momma did Good!

The first step. Me and Jillian are going to be BFF's again. And this time, I will make it to the second step. I will make it 30 days. I CAN do this!

My first goal is 15lbs by Florida. That gives  me roughly 45 days. I will succeed!

My goal is 258 lbs by June 22nd! Now, time to go hang with Jillian. I think she misses me!

Just another sad day..

Its just another sad day here. Not quite sure why this time, but it is. Actually, I guess there could be a number of reasons why. Well, I there are. Just so many emotions going around. I hate not being able to control them, even with the help of my trusty little blue pill. Although, I know it helps a ton.

Its almost been a year. 1 whole year since my life was uprooted once again. 1 whole year since my heart was taken out of my chest and stomped on. A whole year. I had so many plans for this year. So many hopes and dreams and here it is a year later. Nothing.  I have a house full of kids. But not the kind I have longed for. Not the ones I have been hoping and wishing for, ones thats need me. Not the ones that I have wanted for 4 and a half long years.

I have been doing good. Ive been strong. Or, I thought I had anyway. I just feel myself crumbling again. Starting to relive all the emotions from those long two weeks. Remembering the last time I felt somewhat alive and just not going through the emotions. Maybe, I will feel that way again. Maybe.

6 months already??

     It was 6 months ago yesterday that I saw that elusive postive test. 6 months.  It seems like it was just last month.  I think I have grown some since then. This month marks 4 years of trying. 4 long years. I cant believe that I could have a 3.5 year old if we had gotten pregnant on that first cycle. That just blows my mind. I know it will be all worth the wait, im just tired of waiting. I think I have done my fair share.

     I have made some great friends because of the loss. Some I hope that I never have to do without. I hate the way we were brought together, the common-ness of lossing what we longed for the most. But, we are together, slowly pushing through. I am glad I have them in my corner. I really don't know what I would do without them.

If you are healing from the loss of a child..

Someone on my pregnancy loss board, posted this today. I think it is very inspirational and well written. I just wanted to say Thanks to "cowgirl"for sharing with us.


If you are healing from the loss of a child

If you are healing from the loss of a child and you get out of bed in the
morning,
You are doing well.

If you healing from the loss of a child
and you hold down a job,
You are amazing.

If you are healing from the
loss of a child and and you are still remotely pleasant to others,
You are a
lot nicer than me.

If you are healing from the loss of a child and you
cannot always be there for a friend,
You are still a good friend and a strong
enough person to know what is best for you.


If you are healing from
the loss of a child and you cry daily or have nightmares,
You are normal.

If you are healing from the loss of a child and seeing
happy, healthy pregnant women makes you sad, angry, jealous and worse,
Join the club

If you are healing from the loss of a child and think
that what happened was your fault,
you are wrong, but you are not
alone.

If you are healing from the loss of a child and feel like your
significant other truly understands and is 100% supportive,
He or she is rare
and a keeper.

If you are healing from the loss of a child and you have a
good support system,
It will help A LOT.

If you are healing from the
loss of a child and feel painfully alone and isolated,
Please know that there
are thousands of people healing with you in spirit.

If you are healing
from the loss of a child but still looking to the future,
you are a survivor

Lent.. A Little Early

     While I was sitting around this morning, running late as usual, I stopped to think about what goes on in my day. I then realized that Facebook is a HUGE part of my day. This is my last semester of College and I have so much going on right now with the house, dogs and work. I have no reason that I cant get all of it done. But I can't seem to stay off of Facebook. (I started using it as a verb, and that right there in my mind is very very wrong!!).
     So I am going to start Lent a little early this year- okay, lets be honest, its the first year I have ever done it. Better late then never right? So starting on Monday, Febuary 28th, I am going to be giving up Facebook until April 15th. I will let myself have Sundays "Off" and rejoin my life line. I am NOT giving up the internet, because I do need it for school. Just the addicting world of Facebook

What will I do with myself if I have no new feed to refresh 100x a day?? I might actually get some progress on the 2 quilts I have kind of started. Or maybe even find time for longer walks with the pups or exercise.. I think I will be a better person for it. Have you thought about what you are giving up for Lent this year??

So overwhelmed..

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed, that you just can not do anything? I am totally at the point right now. I know I have so much to get done, but I just cant. I need to get out of this funk, it really sucks.  I have about a month left of my first bi-term class. Its my Spanish class that I have put off, for well, this is my last semseter. I have about 4 chapters to read for a test that I was supposed to take last week, but I was unable to get to class. I have another chapter assignment, and a test for that same class to study for. What have I been doing? Playing on Frontierville.

We are also starting back our infertility treatments this month. I forgot how wonderful the medicines make you feel.. haha, that was totally a joke.

I just wish I knew what to do to get out of this thing I am going through. I need to clear my head, but I know I need to do all my homework first.. its like a never ending cycle.. my own personal hell.

My Love for Etsy..

just keeps growing!! I LOVE buying stuff that is handmade. There is just something about knowing that this piece of jewlery, art, you name it, was made by someones own hands and a lot of the time, made just for you. I have always seen these scrabble tile pendants, and wasnt sure what to think of them. But then I saw it. One I KNEW my MIL would LOVE. She is a sucker for all things that have to do with her being a Mom. I can't wait to see what she is like as a Grandma. She lives for it. I figured, hey, even if it sucks, I'm not out that much and she will love it anyway. Well, I was wrong..

HomeStudio on Etsy did a fantastic job. It looks like it could be sold in a cute little boutique that would charge 1000x more than what I spent on it. I know that she will adore it. I know I will be ordering more from them in the future. I just went back and looked at all of their options, and OMG I could pick out about 10 I want for myself.  I would definately recommend trying out HomeStudio if you are in the market for some Scrabble Tile Pendants.